Sharing Custody

"Do what's best for the kids."

Everyone says that during a divorce new york. But determining "what's best" often becomes a mud-slinging tug-of-war where no one wins - especially the children.

Shared parenting plans attempt to diffuse the fighting, putting the children first. Both parents get joint legal and physical custody. The terms "custodial parent" and "visiting parent" no longer apply.

Supporters say joint custody new york helps fight the "fading father" syndrome, keeping dads emotionally and financially involved.

It makes sense. In a perfect world, children should grow up in a loving, supportive environment with both parents. And in a perfect world, both parents should share equal responsibilities, eradicating "traditional" gender roles where the father's the sole breadwinner and the mother's the sole caregiver.

But in the real world of divorce, the rational, level-headed thinking that joint custody often requires doesn't always seem possible. And that's the biggest barrier.


It's not easy for an ex-husband to drop the kids off at the home of his former wife, who he says lives with a new boyfriend every other month. It's equally difficult for an ex-wife to encourage her kids to see their dad after he walked out on them. And one woman complains that shared parenting keeps her from moving up in her career, since she can't take her dream job across the country without giving up her son. She questions adhering to the rules when, in her opinion, the father ignores the children and doesn't pay any child support.

But even the courts are increasingly favoring joint custody new york, instead of choosing one parent over the other. Recently a divorced couple in Boston made headlines when an Appeals Court ruled that the mother and father would rotate school years, so that one parent gets the child during the school week and the other parent gets the child for the weekends for one year. Then the parents will reverse the schedule the next year. Both parents had asked for sole custody.

Child Support

Child support New York is the obligation to make payments for the financial care and support of your child during and after a separation or divorce. Generally, the non-custodial parent pays the custodial parent. A father may be required to pay the mother or the mother may be required to pay the father.

What Does Child Support Cover?
Child support New York covers a child's necessities and day-to-day expenses. Courts may order one parent to pay a specific amount to the other parent to cover part of a child's expenses, such as:

•Food
•Clothing
•Housing
•Education
•Health insurance
•Medical care
•Activities
•Child care
•Special needs

Calculating Child Support
States use different guidelines to calculate how much a parent should pay for child support. You may want to look at one of the many child support calculators available online.

Items that may be important to your state's child support calculation include:

•Parents' incomes
•Parents' assets (property, investments and so forth)
•Child's medical expenses
•Daycare costs
•Time child spends with the non-custodial parent
•Children's ages
•Child support or alimony from a prior marriage
•Insurance costs

Making Child Support Payments
In most states, child support must be paid on a set day each month. You may be able to set this schedule according to when you are paid. Most states have child support "registries" you can pay into each month. The money is then forwarded on to the custodial parent.

Paying into a child support registry is a good option, because then you have a government record of what you paid.

If you pay the money directly to your child's other parent, make sure to pay by check or money order, so that you can prove you've paid. Never pay in cash, no matter how insistent the custodial parent is.

Preparing for Divorce

If you are the one planning to initiate the divorce action, think carefully about whether it is what you really want. Consider whether reconciliation is possible or whether couple's or marital counseling could help. If you decide to go ahead with the divorce New York, address the following issues:

•Hire a family lawyer new york you can trust. Remember, this person should make you feel comfortable and should look after your interests.

•Gather together to give to your attorney copies of all your financial records including tax returns, pay stubs and investments. Keep these documents together and make sure you keep copies for your own records.

•Gather together to give to your attorney copies of any documents relating to ownership of property and personal belongings. While it is unlikely that your soon-to-be ex will fight with you over who owns your clothes, the ownership of an antique brooch from the man's side of the family could quickly become a heated debate. Know whose name is on the title for any houses, land, cars, boats, or other vehicles.

•Discuss with your lawyer the timeline of what has to happen when, and make sure you keep a running calendar of important dates and documents or appearances that are required of you.

•Open separate checking and credit accounts. Separate your paychecks from your spouse's as soon as possible.

•Work on making important decisions regarding any children or other dependents as quickly as possible.

•Revise your will. Make sure to put in provisions for any children in your custody upon the event of your death. Discuss with your attorney who you would like to raise your children.

•If you need to, acquire your own health insurance.

•Notify everyone. Your employer, health and life insurance, and pension accounts, especially, will want to know of your new single status.

Divorce is one of the most stressful situations you will ever go through. That said, remember to cut yourself a little slack, but also try to keep yourself calm and focused to the best of your ability. Inability to timely communicate or act can result in a divorce proceeding dragging on for months or years longer than it needs to be. Do your best to treat those around you with politeness and civility whenever possible to alleviate tension. With a little planning and a good attorney new york, you'll make it through just fine.

More on the Divorce Process

Service of Process.
The party who files for divorce also needs to file proof of service of process. This is a document that shows that a copy of the divorce petition was given to the other party. Service of process can be either very dignified or very undignified or anywhere in between. If the parties mutually agree on the divorce, it is best for the party who files the complaint to arrange for service of process to the other party's attorney. Having a process server visit one's spouse at his or her place of employment to serve papers falls into the undignified category.

Response.
The party who receives service of process will then need to file a response to the petition. If a divorce was sought on fault grounds and the responding party wants to dispute those grounds, he or she will need to address it in the response. The responding party may choose to dispute the facts that are alleged to be the grounds for divorce or he or she may choose to assert a defense to the grounds. If there is disagreement as to property division, support, custody, or any other issue, this should be set out in the response.

Negotiation.
If the parties don't agree on all the issues, they will need to try to negotiate their differences. The court may schedule settlement conferences that attempt to move the parties toward a final resolution of the issues. If the parties disagree on child custody and visitation, the court may also order mediation, evaluation of the children and parents by a social worker or other court employee and that a lawyer or guardian ad litem be appointed to represent the children. Other issues that may need to be negotiated are the property division and any spousal support.

Trial.
Any issues the parties absolutely cannot resolve between themselves will have to be decided at a trial. However, going to trial will take longer, cost more money, and have less predictable results so it is probably best to avoid going to trial if possible.

Order of Dissolution.
The order of dissolution ends the marriage and spells out how the property and debts are to be divided, custody, support and any other issues. When the parties negotiate their own resolution to all of the issues, they will draft the order of dissolution and submit it to the court. If the order of dissolution complies with legal requirements and both parties entered into it knowingly and willingly, then the judge will approve it. Otherwise the court will issue an Order of Dissolution at the end of the trial.

What Happens During a Divorce?

The necessary steps in obtaining a divorce will depend on the particular situation of the parties getting the divorce. A divorce where the parties have been married for a relatively short period of time, have no children, and little property or debts should be less involved than a divorce where the parties have been married for a long period of time, where there are minor children, or where there is significant property or debt to divide. The divorce process should be simpler in cases where both parties want and agree to the divorce. If one party is blind-sided by receiving divorce papers they might respond by doing whatever they can to prolong the process. Finally, the more the parties can agree on between themselves the smoother and quicker their divorce. If the couple is bogged down in fighting and disagreements over anything and everything, the process will be slower.

Filing a petition.
The first step in the divorce process is filing a petition. Even where both spouses agree that they want to get divorced, one of them will have to be the one to file a petition with the court asking for the divorce. The petition will state the grounds for the divorce. The grounds for divorce vary depending on the jurisdiction. All jurisdictions allow for some type of no-fault grounds such as "irreconcilable differences", but only a few states still consider fault grounds for divorce, such as adultery or abandonment. Your lawyer can tell you whether fault grounds are available in your state, and if so, whether or not it makes sense to file for divorce on fault grounds.

Temporary Orders.
If one spouse depends on the other for financial support or will have custody of the children, that spouse needs to ask the court for temporary orders for support and custody. For example, if a stay at home mom files for divorce, she will need financial support from her husband to continue paying the household bills. She will also need a temporary custody order and a temporary child support order for the kids. A temporary order is usually granted within a few days and will remain in effect until a full court hearing. If the party seeking the temporary order is the same party who files the petition, they should file them at the same time. If the party seeking the temporary order did not file the petition, they should file their request for the temporary order as soon as possible.

Family Law Practices

Family life is never static, but is filled with ups and downs that either enhance or weaken delicate family dynamics. Sometimes, families look forward to upcoming marriages or the adoption of a new child. Other times, families are devastated by loss or the anticipation of an impending divorce. When your family faces difficult times or exciting change it is important to contact a family law lawyer that will take the time to help you explore your options and reach a conclusion that is in the best interest of you and your family.

Family law matters are often complex and are usually handled during periods of high stress and emotion. It can be difficult to make life-impacting decisions under such circumstances. For this reason, it is important to have a family law lawyer help you wade through the chaos. An experienced attorney should be able to help you see the larger issues at play and provide the advice you need to make informed decisions about your future.

There are always questions that arise when families face new possibilities or change structure. A family law attorney should be able to answer any questions you may have, like:


•How will I support myself after a divorce when my spouse was the primary income earner?
•How do I fight for sole custody of my children?
•What should be included in a prenuptial agreement?
•How do I protect my interests in divorce proceedings?
•What do I need to be aware of when considering adoption?
A family law attorney can help individuals in a wide range of matters regarding marriage, divorce, adoption, child custody, spousal support, domestic abuse, grandparents rights and any other matters related to family law.

If you are going through a divorce or need assistance with the legal issues involved with adoption or getting married, seek advice from a family law attorney. A skilled attorney should be able to help you understand the legal ramifications of decisions you have to make and fight to protect your best interests.